An Open Letter to The Gropers: A Couple at Church

couple with hands in pockets

I arrived at church with 5 seconds to spare, according to the timer on the screen (God is still in the business of miracles!).  Quickly, I planted myself in an aisle seat for my quick escape at the end of the service.  I realized, pleasantly, that I was in a row of all females.  No couples. Nice…

Then I spotted them about three rows up.  I will call them the Gropers, because that’s what they were doing. Ugh!

Dear Gropers:

Through out worship, throughout the message, even during communion, you had a hand on each other!  So here I am in my super-optimum aisle spot, in a row of all women, watching YOU, a couple engaged in near foreplay! You massaged each others’ backs or shoulders while you sat. You stuffed your hands in each others’ back pockets when you stood, surreptitiously sneaking a kiss or a cuddle.  

While I stood there alone. Or sat there alone.  Gropers:

  • You made me feel inadequate. 
  • You made me feel unlucky, unblessed. 
  • You made me feel…alone.
  • You were a brutal distraction.

I wanted to approach you after service and ask:  “Do you really think your behavior honored God?” “Do you realize there are others around you at all? Others who might not be interested in observing your canoodling?” Or the simple:  “Get a room!” would have felt the best.  But I said nothing.

You see, I am a spiritually single wife.  I go to church as often as I can and when I do, I go alone.  I am not easily distracted, because I treasure this time, though I always wish my husband was along. Even if he acts sullen or like a putz.  I would rather his unlistening ears hear the same message as me. The word of God will eventually penetrate.  I was glad he was not with me on this Sunday. I would have been embarrassed to explain your selfish and oblivious behavior.

Gropers, we are here. Spiritually Single Wives.  (As well as others who find your behavior too personal in public.)  We are in your churches.  It is harder for us to get there.  Please don’t make it harder for us to stay. Keep your public displays of affection private, or at least at a minimum. 

Respectfully yours (though your recent actions don’t deserve respect),

Chris Moss

Has something at church ever bugged you so much you really WANTED to write a letter to make it stop? Share it with me!  I may be able to include it in an upcoming blog post!

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